It’s something like standing naked in a forest.

Well, more like coming upon a hungry bear

still naked, still in a forest,

trying to use your hands to explain

what it is you think you’re doing

strolling around a forest with your pecker out.

Lucky for you that bear doesn’t notice the flapping

of your arms. So you shuffle back and forth

predicting which way he might swing his heavy snout.

But it’s no use; he smells the sweat under your arms.

As you try to make an excuse, you can’t help but wonder

what he’s waiting for. For you to make the mistake

of turning your back so he can knock your head off

with one swipe, put your slippery body under his

mighty paw and tear at your softest parts?

Of course you apologize, lie down, put your face

into the dirt, and wait patiently for him to sniff

you over, knock your carcass around

breaking some of your limbs, probably your skull.

But he smells you’ve pissed yourself and decides

that will be a sufficient reminder of what it’s like

to come across a bear, to look him in the eye.

Excuse me,

I would like to return these.

What is the issue,

do they not fit?

They fit fine;

they’re just used.

Naturally.

This is a used eyeball store.

But these are cracked and

look like brown and yellow cake.

Did you purchase them on discount?

Out of the bargain-bin, perhaps?

No. The lady told me

I purchased a rare find.

Have you tried opening them in the ocean,

watching a child laugh; this model responds well to those.

I haven’t. I can barely hold them open

more than fifteen minutes at a time.

You could sit at a bar until it closes,

or outside on a stoop somewhere.

I think I would prefer a refund.

We only exchange for like items.

What would be my options?

We have new-born baby or blinded stargazer.